Women - Men's Best Friends

I don’t really know how it happened, but majority of my friends are women. It’s been like this for a good 4-5 years, and any one of my female friends will sigh and tell you how I, Eugene so-and-so, have a difficulty meeting men and making male friends. In fact, I often say that making a male friend in San Francisco is much, much harder than meeting and dating a woman. American young men tend to be competitive, homophobic, and afraid of any sincere conversation with another guy unless it is about sports, cars or female conquests. The latter subject is usually where sincerity pretty much evaporates. Therefore, most of my male friends are either foreign, or of strong foreign background.

But women are different. To me, it is easier being friends with women. There are so many reasons for that:

1) Female friends are better listeners than men. You cannot turn to your guy-friends with your problems. Only in movies the main male character always has close, attentive, sensitive and understanding buddies. In reality, men usually do not care about other men’s problems and at best pretend they are interested in your bitching about life, and at worst – shut you out or tell you to shut up. Women will not only listen, they will give valuable advice or offer a shoulder to cry on.
2) Women friends really DO care about you. They wish you best, they are the ones who bring you tea and soup when you are ill, or help you go shopping, or give you second opinion on your girlfriends. Every woman has a nurturing instinct, and in the absence of a boyfriend, they will turn it on you. Men, on the other hand, are competitive with each other and will not always wish you the best if your best conflicts with their interests.
3) Women are the only creatures men can share their feelings with. Women are all about feelings – they love listening to them, reacting to them and talking about them. Men secretly have feelings too, and wouldn’t mind talking about them, but they cannot possibly share them with other men. That’s a sign of weakness among men, and can even be construed as gay. Men can talk only about sports, cars, female conquests, maybe some other hobbies. Anything too deep though, and you might see some raised eyebrows.
4) Female friends can help men get in touch with their feminine side. They can give insights on how women think and why they act a certain way, which may help their male friend pursue a woman of his interest. This has to be used with caution though, for reasons mentioned below.
5) Having female friends can elevate a guy’s value in the eyes of a prospective date. She would think that because a guy has female friends, he knows women, is more sensitive and gentle. Again, this is not to be overdone, for the reasons described below.
6) Men are also more comfortable talking about sex with women than other men. With men, the sex talk is all about “I banged her, huh-huh, hell yeah” or “Man, she gives great head”. Women are used to talking about sex with other women freely, and can be good conversationalists for men who want to talk about sex more seriously, without risking losing their alpha status with their male friends.
7) If you have really good-looking female friends, you can take them as dates to social functions, such as office parties, clubs, birthdays, if you can’t get a real date. This, again, cannot be overused, because women tend to get sensitive for being used as a substitute.
8) Female friends can pose as a tough spouse/girlfriend when needed. For example, when shopping for a car, or furniture, or anything that requires bargaining, you can arrange for your women friends to play the “bad cop” and tell you to walk away from a bad deal. That’s because men really do have weak sales resistance, especially with cars and gadgets.
9) Women can introduce you to their girlfriends. By doing this, you would be skipping many phases of elevated guard, suspicion and mistrust that women greet new men with at first. You will somersault straight into their comfort zone of those women, because being introduced by a female friend automatically gives you a huge amount of credit in a woman’s eyes.
10) You can take women clothing shopping, and they will not only gladly oblige to come along, but actively assist you in choosing the right outfit. That’s because women love having little pet projects involving buying things, even if it’s not for them, and generally, have better taste than men. Similarly, they can give you valuable advice on interior design, hair style, cologne, and so on.


Of course, befriending women also harbours many perils and potential dangers. Now, I risk offending some of my female friends who read this blog by listing these reasons for these very reasons, but I do hope that they are better friends than that.

1) Women ARE more sensitive than men; so many things you say that would be OK with your mates may not fly well with women, even the ones that know you well. A simple “you are such a nerd” may be easily taken for offense even by a woman who is your friend.
2) Women are also much more perceptive of body and facial language than men, so a simple grimace or an eye-roll that would remain unnoticed by other men, may offend your female friend. Many female friends will expect the same sensitivity to gestures and facial expressions from you as they do from their female friends.
3) Due to their biological cycles, women are prone to heightened sensitivity to both (1) and (2) while PMS-ing. You would probably have to stay away from your female friends at those times. Unfortunately, since you don’t date them, you may simply not know when they are.
4) Because they often treat you like other men in their lives, women friends may give you similar treatments when they are unimpressed with you as their boyfriends/husbands. That includes prolonged silence, bouts of poutiness even crying.
5) Women like to chat about completely un-interesting things for a man, such as handbag shopping, cooking, complaining about other women, etc. They may make a mistake of trying to chat with you about it as they would with their female friend.
6) Women, in general, like having male friends, especially gay ones. But sometimes they might try taking advantage of you by asking you to be a stand-in boyfriend, cargo carrier, shopping companion, etc.
7) Female friends can disappear from the horizon if they have new boyfriends or get married. Their husbands may not be impressed with them being friends with another man, and they themselves may not want to hang out with you once they have another strong male in their lives.
8) Women are jealous creatures, and can be overly-protective of you towards your other friends, especially female ones. This is particularly true if they are in the period when they need you for emotional support, such as after a break-up with boyfriend, fight with parents, layoff, etc.
9) Conversely, if you get a girlfriend, she might get jealous of your female friends. Some girls are also suspicious of a guy having female friends in general, and may feel threatened by their presence.
10) But the biggest danger and peril of all is developing romantic attachment, either by you to your female friend, or by her to you, or a lingering emotion stemming from your past, especially if your friendship is a result of a past romantic encounter. That is indeed a constant threat to any male-female friendship bar a few exceptions. Dealing with that can be complicated, painful and prone to continuous drama. A swift conversation as early as possible into the situation is the best way to deal with it, albeit far from guaranteed success.


Still, having said all that, I am happy with my female friends and think any man should have more. Remember guys: women are not the enemy camp! They are your friends and wish you well. Now, where can I meet more men?